Duino ‘Before We Forget’ is a poignant and deeply personal journey into the power of memory in shaping our adult selves, and its beauty will stay with you long after the credits have rolled.
“You think you know yourself when you are a kid, but you don’t know anything because you can’t predict that thing, that feeling that stops you in your tracks, that doesn’t let you breathe. Because when it’s happening, you don’t know that you will never feel it again for anyone. And with time, you really wish you would.”
Like a panther stalking its prey, first love silently pounces when you least expect it, changing everything in a second as time suddenly stands still and a host of new emotions engulf you. If you are lucky, that first love is reciprocated. But for many, it is unrequited. For gay and lesbian people, first love brings added complications as they navigate their own emerging sexuality, same-sex friendships that may spark curiosity and uncertainty about other people’s sexuality. Often, they dare not let their feelings find a voice, fearing they might lose the person they love. They hope that person will suddenly open the door to a kiss that confirms mutual attraction, but they also know a kiss will likely never come.
I am certainly not the only gay man whose first love never found a voice, as I hid my feelings and emotions as best I could under a blanket of uncertainty, shame and fear. I am also not the only gay man who looks back on that first love and wonders what could have been if I had been more confident and assured in my feelings. Juan Pablo de Pace and Andrés Pepe Estrada’s beautiful film about unrequited first love, Duino, not only explores the complexity of those first feelings of longing, desire and love but also the shadow they cast well into our adult life as we wonder whether we will ever feel the same again. Duino is a film about the power of memory, the need to heal, and the ‘what if’ that lingers in the minds of so many gay people when they look back on their adolescence.
Argentine filmmaker Matias (Juan Pablo di Pace) never truly left his first love behind. It has consumed his thoughts and his relationships for so long that finding the truth of his memories is now complex as he attempts to complete a film based on his experiences in Duino, a village on the Adriatic coast of Italy, where he attended the United World College of the Adriatic. But as he attempts to edit the film in time for an upcoming festival premiere, something feels missing. Celluloid, memory, and the ghosts of things left unsaid and unresolved haunt his every waking moment. As the older Matias attempts to find the missing piece to a jigsaw of art and memory, we are taken back to his first day in Duino and the start of his first term as a scholarship student in the mid-90s.
Matias (Santiago Madrussan) may be shy, but he is eager to make the most of his escape from home, his passion for photography, and the opportunities college life brings as he mixes with the vivacious and friendly students surrounding him. But one fellow student, the half-English, half-Swedish ball of energy Alexander (Oscar Morgan), stands out from all the rest, as his energy lights up a room and a host of new feelings in Matias’ heart. As Matias builds a strong bond of friendship with Alex, it becomes increasingly challenging to navigate the feelings of love he keeps to himself.
When Alexander is expelled following a misjudged prank, Matias attempts to defend him and reverse the headmaster’s decision. But his intervention is in vain, and suddenly, his love turns to the pain of separation and loss until he receives an invitation to spend Christmas with Alex and his parents (Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson and Sarah Parish), at their Italian holiday home. Maybe there, Matias will find the words to express his love for Alex. Or maybe as Alex’s twin sister Kathrine (Julia Bender) arrives and his parents (Araceli González and Fabián Mazzei) make a surprise entrance, events will take a different turn.
In present-day Argentina, the older Matias is about to make a discovery that brings his memories into sharp focus: a VHS tape from Duino that he had long thought was lost. As he receives an invitation back to the Italian holiday home, where his life, love, and sense of self were formed during a festive break like no other, the reality that our own internal feelings and emotions shape memories finally allows space for healing.
Juan Pablo de Pace and Andrés Pepe Estrada’s poignant, personal tale of first love, memory and artistic healing is exquisitely crafted from the screenplay to the cinematography, direction and performances. Santiago Madrussan is outstanding as the young Matias, with his performance a beautifully balanced masterclass in the complex emotions attached to the joy of friendship, the uncertainty of coming out, and the power of first love and desire. One scene, in particular, alongside Araceli González and Fabián Mazzei, carries such emotional power that I recommend having a box of tissues ready. Equally strong is the performance of Oscar Morgan as the young Alex, who hides many of his emotions under a blanket of humour, ultimately leading to sudden bouts of jealousy, which only adds to Matius’s uncertainty.
Duino may not tread new ground in exploring the confusion, joy, apprehension and doubt of first gay love, but it excels in exploring the complexities of our adolescent memories and their impact on our adult sense of self. Duino ‘Before We Forget’ beautifully explores the power of wish fulfilment and the rose-tinted glow of first love that shapes many of the memories we hold dear as Matias, like many of us who experience first love while in the throes of forming our sexual identity, discovers that memory is shaped by complex emotions and feelings that build a picture others may not recognise. Duino ‘Before We Forget’ is a poignant and deeply personal journey into the power of memory in shaping our adult selves, and its beauty will stay with you long after the credits have rolled.
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