Lexie Bean and Logan Rozos’ lived-experience documentary, What Will I Become?, screening at BFI Flare, is a powerful, emotional, heartfelt and urgent exploration of the transmasculine experience in a world where understanding, compassion, and equality are all too often in short supply.
What will I become? It’s a question every young person asks themselves during their teens, and one that often has no easy answer. But for some young people, this question goes deeper than questions about their future, place, and purpose; it’s about their very sense of identity and worth in a world that shuns them and denies their existence and rights.
Not that long ago, things were looking brighter for the transgender community, rights were openly discussed, visibility was beginning to take root and healthcare options were expanding for young and old alike. Yet, around 2020, public discourse around transgender identity and, in particular, the healthcare needs of young people became a part of a broader culture war that has only intensified since. Public figures like JK Rowling and Elon Musk fuelled discrimination, while tabloid and broadsheet newspapers circled the trans community. Meanwhile, court cases such as Bell v Tavistock fuelled divisive discussions on trans healthcare for the young.
Young transgender people have been forced to defend their very identity in toxic debates both online and offline that leave lasting and deep scars. As the anti-trans lobby preaches about child protection, their words reject the very principles of that protection, leading to self-harm, suicide, and depression. The Stonewall LGBT Health report (2018) stated that almost half of trans people (46 per cent) surveyed had thought about taking their own life in the last year, compared to 31 per cent of LGB people. One can only wonder how the toxic public discourse since 2018 has changed this result. In the United States, that toxicity and its effect on trans young people have only been worse, especially since Trump’s re-election. It’s that toxicity and the effect on the transmasculine experience that forms the heart of Lexie Bean and Logan Rozos’ lived-experience documentary, What Will I Become?
The lived experience documentary Lexie and Logan delicately and powerfully craft opens with a stark statistic; over 50% of transgender boys have attempted suicide in the United States, according to the American Academy of Paediatrics. It’s a fact Lexie and Logan know to be true through their friendships and conversations, and one that both of our young documentary makers have personal experience of. Both Lexie and Logan knew when they came out as trans boys that masculinity could be toxic in itself, especially in our modern world, where ‘Manosphere’ influencers preach hyper-masculine ideals and notions of dominance to young boys searching for their male identity. Lexie and Logan knew what they didn’t want to become. They also knew that finding acceptance, belonging and safety in their male identity was not going to be easy.
As Lexie and Logan navigate their own journey in a world where hyper-masculinity and anti-trans sentiment often collide, they also explore the lives of Blake Brockington and Kyler Prescott, who died by suicide around the same time both of our filmmakers considered taking their own lives.
Through powerful interviews, home videos, and intimate and emotional conversations, Blake and Kyler’s stories not only uncover the hate many trans young people face, but the challenge of acceptance, belonging and place in a world where gender ideology paints you as a perpetual outsider. Yet this is also a documentary full of love, joy and hope. One that proudly explores the power of friendship, the value of community, and the enduring love of family. It’s a lived-experience documentary made by and for trans boys that knows it cannot answer every question it raises, but also knows that togetherness and conversation lie at the heart of prevention and healing.
A light as bright as Blake Brockington and Kyler Prescott should never be extinguished by darkness, fear, and oppression, and Lexie and Logan’s documentary is an urgent call for understanding, compassion and equality in a world where all three are in short supply. I, for one, hope that the bravery of these two young documentarians not only inspires trans boys to come together in the face of adversity, but also encourages adults to think about the power of their words, attitudes and ideologies in shaping the lives of young people who want to live, laugh and thrive in a world free from oppression and hate. So to all those trans boys and girls asking themselves, What Will I Become? I say this: you will become bold, brave, and beautiful change-makers who will build a better world than the one you currently live in.
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