Neil Ely and Lloyd Eyre-Morgan’s Departures isn’t just one of the best gay movies of the year so far; it’s one of the most insightful, as perfectly timed comedy, powerful drama, and lived experience combine to create a one-of-a-kind movie. Departures is screening at BFI Flare on 29 and 30th March, with tickets still available for 30 March. Book here. Departures is awaiting a UK-wide release date.
Our lives are full of arrivals and departures. From places to people, the only sure thing is that nothing remains the same forever as we speed through life. Some arrivals are expected, while others are random; some departures are planned, while others are unexpected and challenging to navigate. How we deal with these arrivals and departures often relies on our past experiences and the coping strategies we forged in childhood and adolescence. As we grow older, we often realise that we need to change those coping strategies and accept that many of them came from a place of pain, confusion or fear. This is true for many gay men as they find their adult voice and look back at the unresolved trauma of their teens and the feelings of isolation, fear, and uncertainty that paved the way to their adult selves and now need exorcising to move forward.
As Neil Ely and Lloyd Eyre-Morgan’s Departures opens, Benji (Lloyd Eyre-Morgan) is attempting to navigate a messy breakup with a guy, Jake (David Tag), who never really let him in. Departures starts at the end, before taking us back to the beginning, not just the beginning of Benji’s relationship with Jake, but also their teenage years, where their current coping strategies were formed. Jumping between multiple timelines with ease, Neil Ely and Lloyd Eyre-Morgan’s Departures isn’t just one of the best gay movies of the year so far; it’s one of the most insightful, as perfectly timed comedy, powerful drama, and lived experience combine to create a one-of-a-kind movie.
Benji meets Jake in one of those random encounters we have all had at some time or another (and no, I’m not talking about Grindr, although that does feature later in the film). There’s a spark during that first meeting, one that makes Benji’s trip to Amsterdam all the more exciting and confusing; initially, he isn’t even sure if Jake is gay or bi or one of those straight guys who play the scene but never commit. The answer comes when Jake invites Benji to watch him have sex with a sex worker and then proceeds to have sex with him. But, even then, Jake is distant, non-committal and adamant he isn’t queer. I know what you’re thinking; Benji should have run at this point. But, if we are honest with ourselves, we often make the mistake of staying because the person is alluring, sexy, mysterious or dangerous. So Benji sticks around, and his relationship with Jake soon becomes a series of weekend breaks in Amsterdam where sex, drinking, drugs and conversation sit in an uncomfortable bubble of secrecy that Jake is not willing to pop.
Of course, to understand why Benji didn’t run following their first meeting, you need to understand his teenage life (Olly Rhodes) and the defence mechanisms and coping strategies he developed to deal with a world where being gay was a problem. Like many of us, Benji was bullied and isolated at school as he desperately tried to hide himself and his sexuality; his feelings for boys formed through aggressive encounters, secretive meetings, and a toxic mix of excitement and shame. But what shaped young Jake (Jacob Partali)? Jake was the kind of boy who would relentlessly bully young Benji; he learned how to hide anything that made him look weak in a home where love was absent and a fear of rejection haunted him daily.
As we walk by Benji and Jake’s side as their relationship crumbles and emotions and feelings are drowned in booze and drugs, it’s clear that they are both victims of their past. But while one will find an escape and healing, the other has buried his true self in such a deep grave that he will never dig himself out. Ely and Eyre-Morgan’s Departures takes the emotional intelligence of All of Us Strangers, the relentless energy and humour of Queer as Folk and the intimacy of Weekend in building its narrative foundations, but it is the bravery of Ely and Eyre-Morgan’s willingness to share their own lived experience on screen that provides Departures with its depth. With emotionally raw and honest performances, bags of humour and some genuinely edgy and brutally honest conversations on addiction and the pressure on young men to hide their emotions and feelings in adolescence, Departures isn’t afraid to dig deep into the gay male experience. Neil Ely and Lloyd Eyre-Morgan encourage their audience to reflect on the coping mechanisms they developed in their teens and ask whether those mechanisms still serve them well or need reappraisal in a movie that wears its heart on its sleeve throughout its 82-minute runtime.
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