There’s No Such Thing as Vampires: Stylistically rich but lacking bite


Vampires have had a torrid time in movies over the past few years, with few films managing to emulate the success of classic movies ranging from Near Dark to Only Lovers Left Alive. In many modern movies, the vampire has been relegated to the sidelines in favour of zombies, demons and serial killers; therefore, Logan Thomas’ new feature ‘There’s No Such Thing as Vampires‘ offered a glimmer of hope. Would Thomas once more elevate the vampire to its rightful place at the heart of horror? Unfortunately not, as even when the film comes close to achieving this exciting rebirth, it fails to deliver on the horror.

Our story opens with Josh (Josh Plasse) running shirtless through the night, a streak of blood running down his shoulder. Fear is written in his eyes as he seeks to escape a mysterious entity hunting him down; his sanctuary is a small cinema where the classic Nosferatu is showing. But even here, his escape is hampered by rows of popcorn-munching punters who don’t seem to realise his plight.


As Josh escapes the cinema, he runs into Ariel (Emma Holzer) on the highway, hijacking her car as his escape picks up pace. The high octane chase that follows is ripped straight from the Duel playbook. However, interestingly it’s here where Logan Thomas’ film feels strongest, as an unknown presence stalks Josh and Ariel. Unfortunately, the road movie horror ends abruptly, as does any tension as the movie progresses into a lacklustre second act before pulling itself together somewhat for a third act that keeps the film from falling into oblivion.

There’s No Such Thing as Vampires falls into the same trap many horrors get caught in by paying homage to a range of previous work over and above anything new. This ultimately leads to a stylistically rich vampire movie that lacks any bite. I guess we will all have to wait a bit longer for the vampire to retake its crown at the heart of modern horror.

Director: Logan Thomas

Cast:  Emma HolzerAric CushingJosh Plasse, Meg Foster,


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