There’s No Such Thing as Vampires – stylistically rich but lacking bite


Vampires have had a torrid time in movies over the past few years, with few films managing to emulate the creativity of classics ranging from Near Dark to Only Lovers Left Alive. Over the years, the vampire has been relegated to the sidelines of horror in favour of zombies, demons and serial killers; but can Logan Thomas’ new feature, There’s No Such Thing as Vampires, offer a glimmer of hope? Unfortunately, the answer is no. Our story opens with Josh (Josh Plasse) running shirtless through the night, a streak of blood running down his shoulder. Fear is written in his eyes as he seeks to escape from a mysterious entity hell-bent on hunting him down. His sanctuary is a small cinema where the classic Nosferatu is showing, but even here, his safety is hampered by rows of popcorn-munching punters who don’t seem to realise his plight.

When Josh finally escapes the cinema, he runs into Ariel (Emma Holzer) on the highway, hijacking her car as his escape picks up pace., leading to a high-octane chase that is ripped straight from the Duel playbook. It is within these opening twenty minutes that Logan Thomas’ film is at its strongest, as we watch an unknown presence stalks Josh and Ariel. However, as the Near Dark-inspired road movie ends, so does the tension before the film finally pulls itself back together for a third act that keeps it from falling into oblivion. There’s No Such Thing as Vampires falls into the same trap of many modern horrors by paying homage to a range of classics without considering the need to offer us anything new. Ultimately, this leads to a stylistically rich vampire movie that lacks any discernable bite. I guess we will all have to wait a bit longer for the vampire to retake its crown at the heart of modern horror.

Director: Logan Thomas

Cast:  Emma HolzerAric CushingJosh Plasse, Meg Foster,


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